I made a list. It attempts to answer the question "ok, what do I do?" Whatever it is, I want to be sure to do it. What do I do? In Santa Cruz it was obvious. I was there to make the Riverside property something to be proud of. That meant a lot of physical labor and a lot of driving Kevin here and there fetching materials so that others could labor. Out small collective muscled our way through it.
Now I am back in Portland. I don't have silent partners helping to finance this house's much needed repairs. It is a single parent kid, big for her age wearing tattered clothes she outgrew years ago. I feel singularly responsible and singularly overwhelmed. Ok, so that's something I do here... I write it on the list- House. House. I go over it again to make sure I really get it.
Next up... Designing. I write Filly on the page. I feel good about this one. There is always a lot to work but it's work I know and understand and feel satisfied by. I am also designing two additional projects which I am not at liberty to write about yet. They go on the list as incubatorial thoughts. New and fun and harmless and indulgent. I write "make stuff" under the header. Cool, I will.
I teach again in January at OCAC. The class is about meeting your creative self and designing a collection. It's part fashion, part therapy and it's awesome. I write OCAC on the page. I also write "keep it in mind" which means I will never be able to cross this one off the list.
And lastly, there's me. My body, my social needs, my temperamental mind. I'm sick. And it sucks. I feel unattractive, for every good reason, and frustrated at not being able to hike or swim or go dancing. I hover over a hot tea jar and provide dating advice to those in need. I've been wearing the same outfit for four days. All black. I write on the list- Body/Mind/Sprit. Because I do this too. And I treasure this entry because it makes everything above not only possible but more enjoyable.
The list is complete, my tea jar needs to be refilled, it's time to do the work. Goodbye for now.