(typing a heart-felt love letter to Josh, many years ago)

Jenny commented on the To Be Here post regarding sadness. She asked if the drama was a bit tongue and cheek...

Well, no. The drama, the mournful indulgence, the sighing, the solo walks...is not a put on or for show. I sincerely feel it, all the way. But I also welcome and revel in it, just a bit. And this is ok because there is a real difference between the blues I feel these days and the real, life shattering sadness I have felt in the past. Just as there are shades of color, there are shades of sorrow. The pastel sadness I feel when I sit and drink a glass of wine is a far cry from the saturated, sobbing version I was a number of years ago. And yet I think that sobbing version set the stage for the mild version I now experience. I got used to melancholy and depression and now I find a bit of familiar comfort there. Perhaps this makes sadness less scary but it also might make it more likely to be felt.