I'm afraid of the day. Each one brings me a step closer to our impending separation. I recognize this moment as the hardest part. Not death but the anticipation of death. The fear and clenched heart and racing mind searching for a way out. Because really, what I want is for Soupy, and everyone I love, to live forever. I like her soul contained in a slightly-built black-furred dog shape. I like Bello round and brown. Even though I know that whatever form their souls take next, my soul will be close by, this high-minded knowledge seems to flee with remarkable speed each time death takes a step closer. I am a passenger in a metal cart clicking and clacking its way toward the ride's peak. The views are incredible but the dread is blinding.