Oh champagne.

Last night I took a bath and did some journaling before going out. In large part I was doing it for my fuuture self, my present self doesn't seem to need to journal these days. But before I began I flipped back to New Years Eve 2010. I remembered staying home and feeling all emotional and shit so I expected a lengthy paragraph detailing all my feelings. Instead there was just one line, written in pencil no less. It said "I don't feel alive.". Next year, when I look at the entry for New Years Eve 2011 I will see evidence of a woman who is quite alive. Words like content and whole are capatalized, the writing is in black ink and wildly slanted and ends with an oversized scrawl - "I'm going dancing tonight!!" As if I was already drunk. The party was around the corner at the home of an acquaintance. Two of my favorite djs were playing sets and everyone I knew was going. I walked in and began to shake it. I shook it while waiting for the bathroom. I shook it while the countdown brought us into the New Year and I did not stop until I got on my bike at two am and wobbled home. Apparently I then ate some cashews because this morning I found the bag ripped open and nuts spilled on the counter. I think I also slept on the couch for a bit because I have a foggy memory of Bello thinking that was weird. So lets see, what symbolism can I glean from all of this... what predictions might I make- In 2012 I will eat nuts and not think about how I should eat less nuts. Its going to be a good year.

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