If this is a taste of life in Santa Cruz, I'll take it. Phone sounded at 7:30am with a text from Josh, "Morning". We walked down the river levee and stopped at the bend to sit and throw sticks for the dogs. I am amazed at how this relationship has evolved. Lovers, partners, friends... but never enemies. No matter how painful it was at times, I still wanted to know him. And I do- I know him well. He and I have lived parallel to each other for almost fifteen years. I asked him the questions I am asking myself. And his answers, as always, comforted me. I described to him the stress I experience trying to create the perfect day, everyday, and how I see that same odd obsession extended to my life. How do I make the right decisions to create the perfect life? What if I make the wrong choices? We are now sitting at a little table on the front porch. The coffee between us is a little burnt but strong. And of course, his answer was that he doesn't think in these terms. He is not drawing back for a critical analysis of his path. In fact, he prefers to simply live, without asking himself if it could be better, without consoling himself by listing the benefits and appreciating all that he has... because there is no other, there is only this. There is no comparison, there is only this. There is no answer to whether this is the right life because it is the only life and you live it. That's all. You just live it. There were so many moments this morning where I felt overwhelming love for this man who is so different from me and so necessary. And because I am me, I can't help but think that the choices that kept him in my life were the right ones to have made.

1 Comment