Wow. I have a lot of emotions coming together. Suddenly my heart is full of big feelings after many months of relative calm. This is the day of fertility and I am very aware of the various lives I have led. I have been teetering on the fringes of a prior life for some time now. It is easy, and so comforting, to gaze lovingly on those dimmed stories. And to use them as a shield to keep at bay whatever might come next. Because I am profoundly afraid of the next life. I can barely look it in the eye. Now that shield is crumbling in my hands. Gosh. See! I'm totally spun out. And I leave for Santa Cruz tomorrow where everything originates. "Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." Dr. Seus