I leave for Santa Cruz in less than a week. Gosh, that town is like the ultimate on-again / off-again flame. Everytime I think I am over him I catch myself fantasizing about him once again. I love remembering his smell, his shape, the way I feel when I am near him... But these are curated memories and more importantly, the way he felt then matched the way I felt then. But this is now. And so I force myself to also remember his expensive tastes, his bro attitude and questionable style, his love of wave themed restaurants... so that I realize he was more complicated than I care to admit, and I was more simple than I am now. And still, knowing all of this, I am excited to see him again.